If you knew you were NEVER going on another date again or finding the partner you’ve been dreaming of, what would you do instead to live your best life?
Now I’m not saying you’re going to stay single. Not at all. But I am posing the question for a very specific purpose…
What if you were to do, now, whatever would make you most happy, without the guy, the wedding, or your future children? Would you write the book you’ve always wanted to, go back to school, make the real time for your friends and family you’ve been dreaming of, prioritize yourself in radical ways…?
What I’m recommending is that you surrender fully to the possibility of being single – and embrace it.
So why would a dating coach say THAT? Let me explain a little further.
What I See Often
I’ve worked with too many women who have distracted themselves from their own single reality for years, hung up on the guy from high school who got away, or the office crush that will one day finally notice them, or the long-time guy friend they’ve been pining for since the smart phone came out.
I’ve also known women who think partnership or marriage will just happen but don’t take any real action on their part towards dating, being available, or meeting someone. And then they talk about how there are no single, available men where they live.
Whether it’s getting lost in fantasy or complaining about why it never works out for them, this becomes a type of band-aid covering deeper truths, thinking it’ll lead them to love – instead of looking a little deeper into what’s really getting in the way.
What’s most critical is that we don’t put our own dreams, values, goals, and priorities on hold while we’re waiting for partnership. There is so much fulfillment, creative expression, and rewarding experiences available to us now – right now – that we limit ourselves by not living our best lives, single or not.
The path to partnership is a fascinating one when we really slow down and look at what our quest for it is calling us to do. Often, it’s about something within us that needs to be seen, grown, heard, healed, or accepted and in doing so, we release and remove the obstacles standing in our way. Have you taken a deeper look?
Additionally, when we don’t accept the truth of our lives – wherever that may be, even outside the realm of love and dating – we get so far off-track thinking about what we should have or why we don’t haveit, that engaging in unhelpful behaviors begins and we feel even more stuck.
The Gift of Reality
When we don’t have the relationship or partnership we want, sometimes a victim mentality sets in as we try to deal with it (yes, we’re human and it can be easy to go there). Other times there’s almost a frenetic, white-knuckle energy, doing anything and everything to get that partnership, like using 5 dating apps at once that we get lost in. It can also send us down a road of endless self-help, self-fixing and harsh self-criticism.
All very tough, difficult, and ineffective. Yet so very common, leaving many still single.
When we accept and embrace exactly where we are Right Now (letting go of the prince on a white horse fantasy), and step away from the awareness of the things we DON’T have, it’s sobering.
In doing so we also connect with our own reality in a new way. It can lead to a newfound gratitude and recognition of what we DO have that’s positive, including all the qualities that truly make you a great catch in the dating world.
The Power Of What Is
Surprisingly this acceptance can be calming and lead to clarity about what we REALLY want, instead of the fantasy that’s been distracting us and spinning our wheels. With that new perspective we can choose with a clearer head new paths towards our deepest desires. Creating a fresh Vision for Love can be one way to do that. Read more about creating yours HERE.
When we move ahead with our lives rather than waiting for them to begin with the partner we think we’re supposed to share it with, that’s when life gets interesting.
So, embrace your own single reality, sit with the sadness or pain, and let it lead you to deeper healing, removing the real obstacles to love. Then enjoy singlehood, get grateful for it, move your life forward pursuing what would make you happiest in that single space. Hold onto your Vision for Love in the process, trusting the inspired action that emerges (even small steps can be powerful) and while you do that, you just might be surprised by WHO meets you along the way.
